So we did our thing and found some rocks, and several of them had clearly and obviously already been cut down to make gems, and then the leftovers re-seeded into the buckets. Ok, look. I know gem places seed the buckets to be sure that every one contains at least a couple of things worth cutting, so that they can make more money selling lapidary work. But WTFLOL? Can’t you at least let me pretend that the stuff in my bucket hasn’t been picked through? Come on!

We won’t be visiting that one again – maybe we’ll have better luck elsewhere.

Here goes.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS COLORED OBSIDIAN!!

If you are still thinking, “yes, but there’s the rare blue obsidian,” READ THE ABOVE AGAIN.

Obsidian is always, always, always black. Sometimes it’s plain black, and sometimes it has inclusions. Black obsidian with a few or a lot of red-brown wisps or patches is mahogany obsidian. Black obsidian with a few or a lot of white spots is snowflake obsidian. Black obsidian with a silver, gold or rainbow sheen is also natural obsidian. However, there is no place on God’s green Earth where anyone has found clear blue, yellow, green, pink or aqua obsidian in the ground. Anyone who tells you otherwise is making a fine living selling you plain old glass.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with glass jewelry or skulls or other knick-knacks, as long as you are aware that it is man-made glass. DO NOT pay high prices for it as if it were some rare mineral find. It is not.

Thank you.

The next most important thing you need is – stock? No! – copy. Lots of copy. Obviously, it’s best if the copy for each crystal states that it is essential for the purchaser’s Ascension, particularly in a grid of 7 to 10 stones, plus will solve all of their health problems and perhaps vacuum their den. I know I know, it seems like you should just be able to use the identical text for each one, but people actually read it, so that won’t do.

Seems like a lot of work writing all that copy, eh? Heck no! All you have to do is plagiarize it from somewhere else! In the early days, people actually had to type out the entries from Melody’s books and other sources to copy them, but now others have done all that for you, so all you have to do is go Google and copy, copy, copy! In general, the longer the text you end up with is, the more knowledgeable people will think you are. If you have your own store, you don’t have to clutter up every sale page with it, just put in the most salient points and link to the full entry in your “information” section.

Oh yeah, if you have a store on your own domain you need an “information” section. This should, at minimum, include a “how-to.” Don’t worry, you can copy that as well.

Ok, so on to stock. Unfortunately, in most cases you do need a fairly broad range of crystals to sell. Most customers already have the old standbys like heat-treated citrine, although you should still offer them, especially in chakra or gift sets, since they’re so cheap for you to buy wholesale – but what’s going to draw people at first is more unusual stuff, or a store where they can buy several types of crystals they don’t have yet all at once. Some of these can get pricey, however, if they’re genuinely rare, so it’s better to fill out your selection as much as possible with dyed or heat-treated versions of the same old things. Red tigereye, for example, and obscenely pink agate. Purple kambaba jasper. Maybe some of the Chinese “cherry quartz.”[1] People have been led to believe that crystal healing involves playing paint-by-numbers with their chakras, so they will buy just about anything in their quest to get a selection of stones in each color. Make certain that the copy you copy encourages this.

Add to the copy for every crystal something to the effect that it is totally natural, not treated or manmade in any way, even for the ones that are. Some people look for this assurance that the item is natural, but if they don’t know any better, they’ll buy it, and if they can tell that it’s faked by looking at it, it’s not like eBay has a “call seller a liar” button.

Another great technique is to take one crystal that is fairly easy and cheap to come by, but call it something else, especially a crystal that is considered more rare and trendy, or at the very least call it a variation of something with an established healing reputation. This takes a bit of finesse, but will be worth it. Pietersite, for example, is rare and trendy. Bronzite is not, but most people aren’t familiar with it yet. So, sell bronzite as “gold pietersite.” Voila! Instant cash! Any swirly-patterned stone can be sold as kambaba jasper, since kambaba is desirable to people who have been reading crystal books, but they aren’t personally familiar with it yet. Even plain blue glass can be sold as “blue obsidian.” Sure there’s no such thing as blue obsidian, but the metaphysical properties of real obsidian are well-known, so people will jump at the chance to own a rare blue variation. Maybe even several in different shades. These are just a few examples, so use your imagination. The possibilities are really endless.

Let’s see, what else. You must, perhaps on the front page of your store or in an “About Me” section – preferably both – inform the customers that you are an experienced crystal healer and have a gift for selecting the most powerful stones for the purchaser. Any suggestion that in cases of crystal healing, it’s the crystals doing the work, not you, is totally unnecessary and perhaps counterproductive.

That’s it! Remember to act friendly and ship promptly, because much of your income will be from a high seller rating and repeat business which will, as mentioned, gradually allow you to get higher prices, and perhaps even open up a lucrative market for services such as crystal horoscopes and distance attunements.

Finally, if you really want to see real masters at work, have a look at Heaven & Earth LLC, world-famous for selling serpentine as “Infinite,” quartz as “Azeztulite™,” turquoise-colored glass as “Aqua Lemuria™,” and inventing an ever-increasing variety of coated crystals such as “Angel Aura™.” Those are just a few examples out of dozens! They even have their own, very popular, book to promote their “discoveries.” That takes a lot of influence and capital, but we can dream, eh?

[1] Red tigereye is always heat-treated gold tigereye – yes, even the ones you have; most brightly-colored agates and geodes are dyed; purple kambaba jasper is dyed; most red quartz is manmade.

For the widely available “peacock ore,” the opposite is true. Peacock ore is actually chalcopyrite, or more rarely, the closely-related mineral bornite, or some combination of both. Chalcopyrite is a copper iron sulfide that starts out a brassy gold similar to pyrite and, over time and exposure to air, develops a tarnish that can evolve into a variety of interesting colors. So in this case, shiny freshly-mined chalcopyrite has fewer commercial possibilities than lying-around-for-a-while tarnished chalcopyrite.

The solution to this marketing quandry? It’s acid-washed. Or heat-treated. Or both. Only the people who do it know for sure, but won’t say since they don’t want competition. The result is “peacock ore,” with shiny spots of every color you can imagine, but also (to me at least) very unnatural-looking. The stuff is ubiquitous in gift shops, but if you can’t recall it offhand, search eBay for “peacock ore.”

What’s interesting is that no one ever ever ever ever EVER mentions that peacock ore is “enhanced.” You’d expect that from souvenir shops, but it also applies to metaphysical stores selling these for “natural healing,” and even to online rock shops that are selling “specimens.” Here’s part of a thread from a rockhound mailing list that started with someone asking how to do it.

Personally, I’ll stick with natural stones for my natural healing or natural specimens for my display cabinet. I’m happy to watch them change on their own.

Chalcopyrite (left) and bornite (right). With a loupe I can see a little of the other in each one, so in that way they remind me of the yin and yang symbol.

The vast majority of turquoise, even if it hasn’t been fabricated completely from plastic or ground up “chalk” turquoise or by dying some other stone (usually howlite or magnesite), has been treated in some way. Most commonly it’s “stabilized” by injecting it with epoxy, or “color enhanced” by injecting it with dyes, or a combination of both. Sometimes they add little gold flecks to the epoxy to mimic pyrite inclusions. The dyes are either to deepen the blue or darken the veins, or both.

Again, most sellers are not going to tell you how much treatment the piece has undergone, if they even know. And if you are interested in such things, yes, all of these treatments affect the stone’s energy. You can’t get much of a vibe from a stone that is now half plastic.

What I found most interesting about the alterations in this case was that there seem to be two camps about stabilized turquoise. In the big camp are most of the high-end jewelry dealers, who argue that stabilization is actually preferable because it “seals” the turquoise (which is porous and easy to scratch on its own), and, they always add, maintains the color forever!

See, these retailers consider blue turquoise to be much more valuable than green turquoise, but here’s the thing: turquoise is a copper mineral and tends to change to green over time.

I found only one store in the other camp, which is that the natural aging of turquoise adds to its character: Skystone Trading Co. They also, interestingly enough, refer to an “oh wow” factor of seeing a beautiful turquoise piece, which they call “zat.” I’d never heard of this before, but I’d consider it seeing the spirit of the stone, and there’s no wonder people see it in their store since they sell unaltered pieces.

So what about this much more pervasive idea that turquoise that has been stuffed with epoxy so that it never changes is superior? Only young, new turquoise is valuable, and it has to be preserved in that state at all costs? It reminds me of botox. It’s not just a jewelry industry, it’s a metaphor.

I think this is turquoise. From a gem mine in North Carolina.

By contrast, heat-treated amethysts are often bright gold, with lots and lots of internal fractures that make them seem to sparkle. In many, but not all, of them the color is so deep that it borders on orange to brown (in other words, they literally look burnt). Many of them have large zones of white mixed in. Looking for these characteristics can help you determine if tumbled or polished pieces are fake or not. Unfortunately, with very small tumbled pieces or cabs it might be hard to tell a fake if it happens to be a clear, pale one. If you see a rough point or cluster that’s amethyst-shaped, however… that’s a giveaway.

The last time I checked just a few days ago, almost all of what was being sold as “natural citrine” on eBay was not. It’s unbelievable how much fake crap gets sold on eBay, but that’s another post. I have also found a few metaphysical dealers selling what are clearly heat-treated amethysts as “natural, not heat-treated.” Whether they are really dishonest or have been taken for a ride by their suppliers, I don’t know. If it’s the latter I wish they would learn something about rocks if they are going to sell them. If it’s the former, what I think of them isn’t fit for polite company.

There aren’t a lot of sites where you can see photos of fake and real side-by-side, which is why I am planning to put up another one here once I can take the photos.
Here’s one site: Color Altered Crystals. I appreciate their offering this and the photos are gorgeous, but since they are of elestial-structure points worthy of museum displays (again, gorgeous…), they’re just not that representative of what you are likely to see.
Another is: The Vug; Fakes, Forgeries and Misrepresentations… You may have to scroll down to get to the entry on citrine. Note the classic amethyst dragontooth and cluster forms he’s photographed. There’s a lot of interesting stuff here on other types of mineral fakes as well.

I want to note that amethyst is one of my favorite crystals – that’s part of why I feel so strongly about this. They’re beautiful as they are and ought to be left alone. By the same token, real citrine deserves to be rightfully recognized again – it’s another very beautiful stone.

I’m planning to photograph some natural citrines alongside some heated amethysts and post them here, but some of the natural ones still have the iron oxide stains they come out of the ground with and it will be hard to really see the color in the photograph until I can remove it.

As an aside, iron oxide stains on quartz are most commonly removed with a soak in oxalic acid (normally sold as wood bleach), but apparently hardware stores no longer bother to carry it. I guess it’s not expensive enough and they can make more off of fancier products? Who knows. I’ve had a hell of a time finding it now. An alternate suggestion on rockhounding boards is to use a product called “Rust Out” but I haven’t had a chance to try that yet.

Anyhoo… stop buying fake citrines! I mentioned before that a lot of metaphysical writers, and of course, store websites, don’t have any problem with them as “healing crystals,” but since I’ve been spending more time with them, I have to disagree. The treated stones have been abused, treated quite disrespectfully, and their energy is generally jangly and unsettling. If you have any, be respectful to them, and continue keeping them with other crystals, but they are NOT citrine and can’t be. You can’t just take a crystal and try to “enhance” it or turn it into something it’s not. It doesn’t work that way, any more than it would on you.

And, if you’re a crystal nerd like me, try to get ahold of a real one. They are really amazing. Even a citrine that is relatively inexpensive – it doesn’t have to be bright yellow – is wonderful to have around.

If you’re intrigued by the idea of opening new vistas of time-wasting by examining objects (rocks, jewelry, printing…) with a loupe, what I’ve learned follows. If you aren’t, this is like the dullest post evar.

I thought getting a loupe would be fairly straightforward, but in trying to pick one out, I entered a dark, shady world. What I’ve learned, in no particular order:

most are made in China, are labeled as “triplets” (three lenses) but are not, and are sold for as low as $0.89 but often up to $10 for the same models;

according to most reviewers, these cheapies are occasionally useful if you happen to get a good one;

for the cheapies as well as some of the slightly nicer ones, the magnification isn’t really as high as the label states;

the gold standard for loupes is Bausch and Lomb, which run about $40 and up for 10x triplets;

if you want to spend even more on one, you can buy a Nikon or a Zeiss;

like most things, different stores sell the exact same products for wildly different prices;

the most effective standard lens arrangement is a set of three (“triplet”), but a single lens cut “coddington” style can also work well;

the standard magnifications are 10x and 20x, but there are some weird ones like 7x or 14x;

lens sizes are generally 18mm or 21mm, but with some weird ones like 20.5mm;

there are dozens of combinations of size, magnification, and case shape so that there is a dazzling array of choices;

there is very little advice to be found from the sellers of these items on what magnification and size you need for what you’re doing.

Some sites point out that jewelry appraisers use 10x, and anything you see under higher magnification doesn’t count on the appraisal. Since I didn’t plan to use it for jewelry appraisal, this wasn’t much help. And it still didn’t tell me why some were 18mm and others were 21, or what the effective difference between using 10x and 20x was. Didn’t I just want a 20x, 21mm model?

Hahaha. Eventually I found a couple of sites explaining that the field of view of a loupe is never really more than 18mm, so it doesn’t matter whether the lens is larger or not – the extra space around the edges is fuzzy; and that the problem with 20x magnification is that the depth of view shrinks and you have to get so close to the object that you tend to block out all the light, although it can be interesting to use and nice to have one on hand.

Here are the two sites that I found the most useful:

Considerations when selecting a loupe
How to choose a loupe or magnifier… and where to buy
Wikipedia, about.com, eBay guides and the like all had bits of information but in general weren’t that helpful.

When I finally got into the reviews, people who had seriously compared loupes always liked something called the BelOMO 10x the best. At the time most of these reviews were written, it seems the BelOMO could be had for $15, but the manufacturer (in Belarus) steeply raised the price recently – not that I can blame them since it sounds like they were way underpriced before. Now the list is $30, most sellers have them for about $24, and the best price is from amateurgeologist.com for $20. Since they’re compared favorably with the equivalent Bausch and Lomb model ($40…), I think it’s still a winner and that’s what I’m planning to get.

I probably will want a 20x as well at some point, but not only are they more expensive, since they aren’t as widely used they’re harder to find reviews of, and since they’re more complex technically the cheaper brands may not even work well enough to bother with as compared to a good 10x.

By the way, while you’re at the Amateur Geologist store site, it’s worth poking around. In addition to things you would expect like rock hammers and lapidary equipment, they also have educational posters such as “A Collated History of Matter,” Indiana Jones-style field bags and vests, and a travel mug that says “I heart rocks.”

Apparently, irradiated smoky quartz is somewhat less common than baked citrine, since natural smoky quartz is not nearly as rare as natural citrine. Still, it could be hard to know what you’re getting, especially if you like to buy cut and polished pieces.

Also, it seems there’s been an important advance in the realm of the Naga Eye Amulets – carve them into a more graphical representation of a penis and claim that they are an ancient “Indus civilization” artifact, and people will actually bid on them – up to 7 bids and $127.50 at this writing. If the quartz one seems a little rich for your blood, here’s the leaded glass version starting at just $24.99.

If you don’t want quite such a blatantly phallic item, and would rather get a plain ol’ Chinese glass “crystal” point, there are plenty available – but it looks like you might get outbid on those beauties, too.

The first time I ran across one of these amulets and searched in Google, I found it interesting that there was absolutely no mythological or folk tradition about them anywhere to be found. They only exist in eBay. Or maybe I was just suspicious since they sound so much like a World of Warcraft drop.

But apparently the big trend on eBay now is “haunted” items. Some of the most popular seem to be dolls and jewelry, but I can’t replicate the effect of looking through all of the listings (over 3000 of them at this writing) just by linking to a few examples. You have to see for yourself. Photoshop effects, black and purple backgrounds, long stories about Gypsy Druid grandmothers, and furious bidding abound. In addition to searching on “haunted” (and learning that the word “haunted” now encompasses the whole range of meaning between “possessed” to “reiki charged,” “enchanted,” or “I think it has something to do with fairies”), you can get excellent results by category: Psychic, paranormal. Really, don’t miss it. This is one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time.