Elfnoodles

So you may be sitting there thinking to yourself, “if a sucker is born every minute, that’s a lot of suckers. Gee Elf, how can I make a living off them by selling them crystals?” If you are wondering this, (and who isn’t?), read on!

You can get started right in eBay, although you may eventually want your own site. You can always continue to list things in eBay later to draw new customers to your main store. Either way, whether you have a store hosted on your own domain or just stick with eBay or eBay stores, the crucial part is to establish a customer base of people who think you are knowledgeable so that you will be able to sell more to them at higher prices later on without them shopping around for another dealer. Once you have your own store you can raise the “handling” portion of your shipping rates, too.

The next most important thing you need is – stock? No! – copy. Lots of copy. Obviously, it’s best if the copy for each crystal states that it is essential for the purchaser’s Ascension, particularly in a grid of 7 to 10 stones, plus will solve all of their health problems and perhaps vacuum their den. I know I know, it seems like you should just be able to use the identical text for each one, but people actually read it, so that won’t do.

Seems like a lot of work writing all that copy, eh? Heck no! All you have to do is plagiarize it from somewhere else! In the early days, people actually had to type out the entries from Melody’s books and other sources to copy them, but now others have done all that for you, so all you have to do is go Google and copy, copy, copy! In general, the longer the text you end up with is, the more knowledgeable people will think you are. If you have your own store, you don’t have to clutter up every sale page with it, just put in the most salient points and link to the full entry in your “information” section.

Oh yeah, if you have a store on your own domain you need an “information” section. This should, at minimum, include a “how-to.” Don’t worry, you can copy that as well.

Ok, so on to stock. Unfortunately, in most cases you do need a fairly broad range of crystals to sell. Most customers already have the old standbys like heat-treated citrine, although you should still offer them, especially in chakra or gift sets, since they’re so cheap for you to buy wholesale – but what’s going to draw people at first is more unusual stuff, or a store where they can buy several types of crystals they don’t have yet all at once. Some of these can get pricey, however, if they’re genuinely rare, so it’s better to fill out your selection as much as possible with dyed or heat-treated versions of the same old things. Red tigereye, for example, and obscenely pink agate. Purple kambaba jasper. Maybe some of the Chinese “cherry quartz.”[1] People have been led to believe that crystal healing involves playing paint-by-numbers with their chakras, so they will buy just about anything in their quest to get a selection of stones in each color. Make certain that the copy you copy encourages this.

Add to the copy for every crystal something to the effect that it is totally natural, not treated or manmade in any way, even for the ones that are. Some people look for this assurance that the item is natural, but if they don’t know any better, they’ll buy it, and if they can tell that it’s faked by looking at it, it’s not like eBay has a “call seller a liar” button.

Another great technique is to take one crystal that is fairly easy and cheap to come by, but call it something else, especially a crystal that is considered more rare and trendy, or at the very least call it a variation of something with an established healing reputation. This takes a bit of finesse, but will be worth it. Pietersite, for example, is rare and trendy. Bronzite is not, but most people aren’t familiar with it yet. So, sell bronzite as “gold pietersite.” Voila! Instant cash! Any swirly-patterned stone can be sold as kambaba jasper, since kambaba is desirable to people who have been reading crystal books, but they aren’t personally familiar with it yet. Even plain blue glass can be sold as “blue obsidian.” Sure there’s no such thing as blue obsidian, but the metaphysical properties of real obsidian are well-known, so people will jump at the chance to own a rare blue variation. Maybe even several in different shades. These are just a few examples, so use your imagination. The possibilities are really endless.

Let’s see, what else. You must, perhaps on the front page of your store or in an “About Me” section – preferably both – inform the customers that you are an experienced crystal healer and have a gift for selecting the most powerful stones for the purchaser. Any suggestion that in cases of crystal healing, it’s the crystals doing the work, not you, is totally unnecessary and perhaps counterproductive.

That’s it! Remember to act friendly and ship promptly, because much of your income will be from a high seller rating and repeat business which will, as mentioned, gradually allow you to get higher prices, and perhaps even open up a lucrative market for services such as crystal horoscopes and distance attunements.

Finally, if you really want to see real masters at work, have a look at Heaven & Earth LLC, world-famous for selling serpentine as “Infinite,” quartz as “Azeztulite™,” turquoise-colored glass as “Aqua Lemuria™,” and inventing an ever-increasing variety of coated crystals such as “Angel Aura™.” Those are just a few examples out of dozens! They even have their own, very popular, book to promote their “discoveries.” That takes a lot of influence and capital, but we can dream, eh?

[1] Red tigereye is always heat-treated gold tigereye – yes, even the ones you have; most brightly-colored agates and geodes are dyed; purple kambaba jasper is dyed; most red quartz is manmade.